This first semester of English has been valuable to me for more reasons than I can name. Its most constructive contribution to my method of learning and working, interestingly enough, lies in its destruction of my previous conceptions of the ideal English classroom. As the year has progressed, I have become increasingly aware of the degree to which this process built its nest in my subconscious, and gradually manifested itself in my thoughts, ideas, and actions.
Our first assignment—to analyze a time when our cognitive state shifted—was more about internal exploration as opposed to fitting our brains in the mold of external forces. True, we did approach the paper through the human-identified and explained concepts of “cognition” and “the mind,” and the paper encouraged we describe an eye opening and enriching experience, but in the end, those specifications did not limit or trap us, rather they allowed for growth. In all my years of school, I have never had an assignment with directions that allow for focus, depth, and structure, and yet an overwhelming degree of flexibility and opportunities for unique development of ideas.
Rereading my essay again, it is evident that I was initially shaky when working within a structure of open mindedness, free flow of ideas, and deep understanding of a situation. Even though I discussed my mental conception and stance about different philosophical ideas from several angles, it really wasn’t good writing. I had set the stage for depth by outlining these topics that I had to further study and seek to understand, but my rusty and selective knowledge of the relationship between philosophy, religion, and cognition created several crevices within the essay.
Upon analyzing this, I came to several distinct conclusions. The most important would be that, rather than using the mechanism of selective knowledge and understanding to achieve focus in a paper (which is obviously flawed but when it’s masked in verbiage you can’t even tell anymore…), it is important for one to first seek to understand/analyze something to the greatest degree possible, and then selectively choose which aspects of that complex mental discussion to include within the essay.
I once read a book in which a character said that if anything, it is better to have ignorance based on understanding than understanding based on ignorance. In a sense, I think this explains the philosophy behind the essay and other assignments this year; the stress is not on the outcomes of the thought and learning process as much as the process itself. We are not forewarned of the teacher’s expectations and offered advice as to how we should adjust our selective views to fit their perspectives, rather, we are exposed to the true nature of deeper, unified analysis, strong and valuable connections, and through understanding, and expected to adopt that ourselves. Recently I became aware of how much meaning that added, in my mind, to English class. Unlike other classes, which are more passive and teachers are concerned with how much material can be condensed into a day’s lecture, in English each day we seem to make connections with important themes of life, and historical events or patterns throughout history, and that has really has forced me to ingest its value.
However, I must take a second to step back and mention that I was not initially open and receptive to this method. I have recently struggled with achieving balance between sophistication, elaboration, and complexity and my personal voice and thoughts in writing. Through all the different cognitive phases I went through, I had always viewed writing as serious and formal, even when my writing did not necessarily emulate that. It was difficult and almost impossible, then, to visualize what a step-by-step, constructive, and “playful” approach to writing—a sort of synthesis between what I struggled with—looked like. And on top of that I was reluctant to gradually “improve” in writing, I wanted to get it done and do it right the first time.
Soon I found out this was very ineffective. Part of the reason I was able to unwind the tightly interwoven strands of my writing process—which had recently constricted my creativity and energy—was the prevalence of positive and encouraging language. In English class this year, I have noticed a lack of abundance of words such as "study," "interpret," and "conclude.” Though these words do surface time to time in class, there is a different and deeper stigma associated with them; they aren’t defined only by systematic evaluation of a piece of writing, as in the past. Mostly however, in their place I have noted words and phrases like grow, develop, meaning, understand, analyze, look into, explore, think about, and feel, which create a completely different atmosphere within the classroom. Within my thought processes, those words promote balance, curiosity, and thorough exploration of ideas. Interestingly enough, last week I read a New York Times article about new discoveries of the subconscious mind, that explained people "become more competitive if there’s a briefcase in sight, or more cooperative if they glimpse words like “dependable” and “support” — all without being aware of the change, or what prompted it." While this quote pertains more to the spontaneous events of day-to-day life, it can still be applied to the dynamics of our class and our approach to completing assignments.
Overall, I find that while my development has not exponentially soared or crashed, a somewhat solid foundation for improvement has been built within my mind. With all the issues outside of school I’ve had to endure, it means a lot that I am beginning to truly lay the first few brick layers for literary exploration. Through the example of Mr. Allen—though I have “known” for a long time—I’m starting to “understand” and feel the power and necessity of literature. Not only does it help with language fluency, vocabulary, and grammatical structure, but rhythm, musicality, and other techniques we have discussed in English class—things that I’ve felt before (and in some cases mimicked) but never truly been able to identify. It also means a lot to me that I have an effective base of communication with Mr. Allen, and that has encouraged me to be more open with myself and others and work through both actual difficulties and illusions of problems, while staying aware of my cognitive state throughout.
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